Newt Gingrich will win the New Hampshire Republican primary, according to a psychic spider monkey at the Staten Island Zoo.
Grandpa, 40, of West Brighton – a black-handed spider monkey, or ateles geoffroyi – has been credited with supernatural prescience after choosing bananas or tennis balls with the names of winning sports team written on them. He’s picked the Super Bowl champions and six of nine U.S. Open tennis winners, according to the New York Daily News.
So on Monday, he was presented with six bananas scattered in hay, each with the name of a a different GOP candidate, the News said – and he went right for the former House Speaker, whose campaign, by all other accounts, seems to be on the decline.
Possibly the former Georgia congressman made top banana through a process of elimination.
Sure, the Ron Paul banana probably looked tempting, but Grandpa knew he’d regret it later.
And Grandpa may have been told just to pick the Mitt Romney banana and get it over with, but somehow couldn’t stir up any real appetite for it.
Plus, Grandpa probably Googled the word Santorum and figured he shouldn’t eat anything with that name on it.
And finally, like most people, he likely didn’t even notice the John Huntsman banana until he was done eating.
Actually, that last one is a joke. The Huntsman banana was the second one Grandpa picked up and the third one he ate, the Daily News said.
It’s also possible, since Grandpa is an older monkey, that Gingrich is the only name he recognized.
The New Hampshire primary takes place today. Newt Gingrich will not win.